What You May Not Know About Superlatives

What you may not know about superlatives is that they can be used to compare two things as well. You may have only loved twice, but this girl, standing right in front of you, with the smooth soft skin, she is the best love of your life. This is a correct usage. Though only two people may have come with you to this crepe restaurant, the one with the blond hair had the nicest body. She had the shapeliest thighs, the perkiest breasts.

What you may not know about superlatives is that timing is very important. You have the most symmetrical face I've ever seen. Let's have the most expensive dinner you've ever had, at the top of the highest peak overlooking the prettiest city in Asia. And later bedboards creak. This handmade candle is the most thoughtful present I've ever received. Then up against a brick wall in some alley way. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. This is the saddest moment of my life. From this instant on, every nanosecond will be ever so slightly better than the one before it.

What you may not know about superlatives is the way it easily governs your life. But you said I was the most important person you know. You are the biggest liar I've met. The sweetest words you've ever said were never true. You are the deepest scar of all the hundreds of scars that I carry on me. These things are said and all of a sudden your world of hyperbole and exaggeration focuses and you see how it's just that you feel the most out of your peers. That though what burnt you may not have been the hottest flame, you suffered the worst pain.

What you may not know about superlatives is that you'll always think in their terms. She is the biggest mistake I've ever made. I will always want you the most. And you'd forgive him. Or maybe he'd say, she was the worst kisser I've ever cheated on you with. Maybe if you were the skinniest, prettiest, kindest, smartest, or sweetest person he'd ever known, none of this would have happened. Maybe if you were better...but you can't think in comparatives. After all, comparatives only measure two, and there are will always be more than two options for him.

What they don't tell you about superlatives is their power to heal. You are the most awesome person I know. You share the most values with me. And even if you heard these before, even if you've heard them numerous times (while listening to him strum "Question" by the Old '97s, or on top of Teton Village, or down the hallway on the 4th floor where your locker was sophomore year) you can still feel your heart begin to beat in a normal rhythm. The extremes are being balanced out. You are the most perfect person in the world for me right now. This is the most comfortable place for me today. I fit best next to you tonight.

But what you may not know about superlatives is that they always have a shelf life.

If

If I finally lose these 15 lbs. If I could be flatter where you'd like, and less flat at other places, smooth out my hair and temper, use makeup for my face, make up for my shortcomings

If I could share with you the wisdom of sepia photographs and explain that memories fade for a reason and that we can't force others to think and feel as we do because the red of yesterday, last month, or 20 years ago may only be the pastel pink of today

If I conceded that yes, I should go to the gym more often and that maybe that is the reason why he left, and I should be less obstinate because I will never be loved as I am, and I should take relationships more seriously even though I thought I did

If I could cross this span of 30 years and traverse with a great leap forward, bridge your cultural revolution with mine, tunnel through the earth and time itself to path together Bob Dylan and Liu Sanjie

If I gave up my vagabond dreams and got married, had a couple of girls who you could have a second chance with since, though you love her, your first daughter is not at all what you wanted

If I became brutally honest and told you that he hasn't loved you in years maybe even decades, that you're being absolutely asinine trying to chain someone to where he doesn't want to be

If I laid down these self righteous words, settled at your feet and made myself content to stay here with you, be a better daughter--no the best daughter

If I could make you forget, give up on the fantasies that run wild in your head while the winter night spreads its gaze on you as you toss and turn in your bed that's just one body short of comfortable

If I accept that I can't save everyone and it's better to let others fight their own battles, that using myself as a human shield will only delay the healing process and render myself full of holes

Will it be enough to save you?

Touch #1

This was the first time S**** didn’t understand him. There were 37 in all. 9 long ones. 14 with tongue. 3 while holding her face with two hands. 4 while holding with one. 1 with his hand on her left shoulder.

Were they for reassurance? Were they to say that tomorrow will be okay? Was it for goodbye? Was he trying to gauge whether it was possible to leave all the different kisses behind? Was he measuring his dependence on desire?

Outside, the moon hung ceremoniously against a navy blue backdrop.

Her mouth had dreams too. Her lips had fantasies, her tongue, ideals. And this wasn’t it. This was tentative. The dome of darkness wouldn’t be lifted until tomorrow. In fact, tomorrow the sky might fall. The stars might crash down. The clouds will descend and slip through her fingers, and seep into the ground where they will disappear forever. The comets and asteroids will plummet towards the earth. The gravity of tomorrow will solely determine the future.

She didn’t rest her hand on his chest that night. Nor his on hers. They both knew that before they fell asleep the next time, there will either be a new beginning or a decisive end. Without his rhythmic breaths under her palm, she found it much harder to sleep. She wondered how she’d be able to adapt to the absence of the lifts and falls of his nightmares. She wondered if he’d miss her own ebb and flow of cravings. The up and downs of her principles

Tomorrow. Tomorrow she’ll know. Tomorrow will be heaven or tomorrow will be hell.