If

If I finally lose these 15 lbs. If I could be flatter where you'd like, and less flat at other places, smooth out my hair and temper, use makeup for my face, make up for my shortcomings

If I could share with you the wisdom of sepia photographs and explain that memories fade for a reason and that we can't force others to think and feel as we do because the red of yesterday, last month, or 20 years ago may only be the pastel pink of today

If I conceded that yes, I should go to the gym more often and that maybe that is the reason why he left, and I should be less obstinate because I will never be loved as I am, and I should take relationships more seriously even though I thought I did

If I could cross this span of 30 years and traverse with a great leap forward, bridge your cultural revolution with mine, tunnel through the earth and time itself to path together Bob Dylan and Liu Sanjie

If I gave up my vagabond dreams and got married, had a couple of girls who you could have a second chance with since, though you love her, your first daughter is not at all what you wanted

If I became brutally honest and told you that he hasn't loved you in years maybe even decades, that you're being absolutely asinine trying to chain someone to where he doesn't want to be

If I laid down these self righteous words, settled at your feet and made myself content to stay here with you, be a better daughter--no the best daughter

If I could make you forget, give up on the fantasies that run wild in your head while the winter night spreads its gaze on you as you toss and turn in your bed that's just one body short of comfortable

If I accept that I can't save everyone and it's better to let others fight their own battles, that using myself as a human shield will only delay the healing process and render myself full of holes

Will it be enough to save you?